Kondo - Joy & Boob Holders

Okay, so I’ll admit, the only time I ever paid more than $20 for a bra (well, maybe more than $12 – gotta love sales combined with Kohl’s cash…) was when I received a rather substantial cash award from the Milken Foundation. My friend and neighbor took me shopping at Victoria Secret’s. Let me tell you – I had never stepped foot in that store because I preferred to keep my bits secret. Which means no one was looking at my private areas whether they were covered in a fancy bra or not! Besides, I am a low-maintenance type of gal and super thrifty too. However, once amongst all the beautiful lingerie and the gentle prodding of my friend (and the reminder that I was recently bestowed with a bunch of cash) I purchased two lovely brassieres. I called them brassieres instead of bras because they were fancy 😊. However, they were too pretty and fancy for me to wear, and I had no partner to tantalize – which may explain why twenty-years later they are still in my drawer. Oh, my! Marie Kondo would definitely have something to say about that! If you are not familiar with her method of reducing items in your home, she recommends you hold each item of clothing to your heart and ask if it brings you joy – if yes, you keep it – if no, you thank it for its service and donate or discard.

Holding my brassieres to my heart, I ask, “Do you bring me joy?” All I could hear was THE RED BRA saying, Good grief, Jenny, after all I have taught you about bras, and you’re still holding on to these? Now, if they were a fabulous red color like me, I could see keeping them, so you better have a pretty joyful story to explain keeping them.

And so, with THE RED BRA in my head, I responded to her that the joy was in the thought of who these lovelies may someday be shown to. I cannot donate or discard them because no service was performed as a result of my wearing them, therefore there is no service for which to thank. And so, they will be folded ala Kondo style and slipped deep into the recesses of my dresser drawer.

This leads me to think about a character named Missy from my novel, The Red Bra. She is a quite busty high school student who recently joined the cheerleading squad. She did not have a decent bra, and after her first night of cheering she realized she needed one with more support. After counting her money, she went to her friend’s house to ask for a ride to the mall. Here is The Red Bra’s take on the amount of money she had to spend on a bra.

Seriously! I mean really, girl! With what you got going on, you’re gonna need some serious support! RB exclaimed, pushing out her cups and straightening her straps. I know it’s been a while since I left the shelf, and I know I’m, well, ahh, let’s say, I’m of a premium caliber, but lord knows even bras a few steps below me are gonna cost a bit more than thirty-six dollars! How can you not know that?

Oops, guess I needed The Red Bra’s advice twenty years ago.