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One Size Doesn't Fit All


One Size Doesn’t Fit All

I recently discovered sport bras. OMG! What a life changer… Now, mind you, up until my child-bearing days I was in the A range. I was also a skinny little thing that loved to run. Now, the word ‘run’ only relates in the plural form to certain bathroom excursions.

But what is this ‘One Size Fits All’ nonsense? There is a huge size difference between A and H. Note the chart!

I crept up to the B range as a nursing mother. When I stopped nursing, I quickly accelerated to the E (see chart) for a spell. Let me explain.

It was time to stop nursing my son. I knew it, my husband knew it, my friends knew it, but my boobs did not know it as you will soon see.

A friend who was in the travel industry invited me to fly to another state for the day with her, or I might still be nursing. I left my son in the capable hands of his father with plenty of sippy cups. The trip started out fantastic. Armed with large cups of coffee, we headed to the St. Louis airport seventy miles away. It was great to have some girl time and the flight went smoothly as long as I ignored the wails of babies and the ensuing tingling of my breasts saying, “Hey, kid, I’ll feed you!”

Soon we were in Dallas listening to a presentation and having lunch. I focused on the food and talk and ignored the fact that my blouse was stretched to its limits. After lunch, my breasts continued their growth as we boarded the plane for the flight home. I was quickly reaching the DD range and spent the trip home trying to remember all the words to the Preamble to the Constitution that I memorized in eighth grade. (See, there IS a reason we all learned that!) I needed a serious distraction.

Finally! Back to STL and in my friend’s car. I quickly unhooked my bra, lifted my shirt, and held the two empty coffee cups from the morning underneath them. I relaxed, and the milk shot, well, overshot, the coffee cups and began spraying all over my friend’s windshield, dash, body, well… you get the picture...

So, as you can see, the “One Size Fits All”, may have been adequate in the am, but definitely not in the pm.

***

Oh, lordy, RB thought, thank God that’s one thing I never had to worry about. Can you imagine if my lovely cups had to be shoved aside for some drooling mouth that would no doubt spit up and stain my cups! RB shuddered at the thought, her straps vibrating as she fought to still the image.

Read chapter 13, The Red Bra, for more on her take on breast feeding.

www.jennymiddleton.com



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